Harry Potter discovers the Good Life
by Audrey Consuela17
Summary: All of a sudden, Harry's life over the summer starts looking up. drastically


Harry Potter looked out his window at 5 Privates drive, and decided that this was The Best Birthday Ever. Harry Potter was sixteen years old, and he knew for a fact that this was the happiest he had been in his entire life. A gram of pure, uncut coke, sent from Ron, was insured that fact quite securely. "Yes," thought Harry, "if I ever need a patronus, I'm not going to have a problem". Because Ronald Weasely was so disgustingly poor and lower class, the blow he usually got was bad quality, but this time, in honor of Harry's birthday, he managed to borrow a little money from Fred and George, and finally sent Harry some of the good stuff. One hundred percent, pure cocaine. Harry had started out only wanting to do a little bit. "Maybe half a gram tonight and I'll save the rest for tomorrow?"  
  
Famous last words, Mr. Potter! Half an hour later, Harry found himself staring, bemused, at the small empty bag. Oh well; its not like he couldn't ride that particular white horse again in the near future. Ron was always giving Harry drugs to make up for the fact that he was a ragingly, flamboyantly homosexual young man. Ron had come out of the closet right at the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and his inevitable infatuation with Harry came right out of the closet with him. This led to a distancing in their friendships. Harry began to avoid Ron as much as possible. And then Ron started flaunting his drug connections in Harry's face. Suddenly, Harry wondered, maybe it's not such a bad thing to have a fabulous best friend? Either way, he still had Hermione to keep him sane. That is, if he didn't choke on her enormous bush every time he tried to go down. He kept telling her to fix it up a little, but would she listen? No, certainly not. In the famous words of Draco Malfoy "If they can't keep what's on their head nice, then you can't expect them to keep what's underneath in a presentable condition either". So it goes. There were also some issues with a certain odor, but Harry was willing to overlook. She was a good friend, and always returned the favor.  
Speaking of Draco, Harry had decided that maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all. Besides, spending the summer at Malfoy Manor, staring at Narcissa's bouncing, perky tits as she swam in the pool was a hell of a lot better than watching fat arsed Mrs. Weasely cook. In fact, Harry was leaving for Malfoy Manor the very next day. Happy, but still pretty jittery, Harry lay down, and tried to relax.  
  
The next day, Harry awoke, masturbated furiously into Hedwig's water (vitamins), took a quick shower (rubbing off another one), and sauntered downstairs for breakfast. Sitting on the couch was Harry's cousin, Dudley Dursely. Despite many complaints from Smeltings, Dudley's weight gain had only continued. Dudley could barely fit through doorways, much less sit on a normal chair at the kitchen table, so instead he had to stay on the couch for almost the entire summer.  
  
Because of overeating and lack of exercise, Dudders had a bit of a flatulence problem, actually, saying it was only a bit of a problem is being far too kind. Dudley farted enormous loud smelly clouds of gas constantly. Petunia had to keep the windows open, which caused all sorts of moral dilemmas for her because she didn't want to suffocate from the smell, but she was also terrified the neighbors would hear the enormous sounds of wind being ripped from Diddley Dumkins' large behind. Petunia compromised her values, invested in several ionic air fresheners, and opened the windows when the neighbors weren't gardening. Perfect.  
  
Dudley's near inability to move also created a nice change for Harry. Gone were the days of running from Dudley's gang. Piers Polkiss and the rest had retreated into their own homes after Dudley's flatulence reached a high point (around mid June). Also gone were the days where Dudley was anywhere near agile enough to make any sort of attempt at "Harry chasing". This gave Harry free reign.  
  
Taunting Dudley became Harry's new way to pass time. Dudley simply passed time by passing gas, something Harry was not above picking on him for. Also, because Dudley had become so fat, going upstairs to shower had become an obvious No. for the first few weeks of the summer, Petunia and Vernon had taken turns sponge bathing Dudley while he sat on the couch and ate fried chicken. After several weeks, this became slightly tiresome, and they resorted to desperate measures.  
  
Every three days, Dudley was persuaded with promises of treats to come outside and sit in the middle of the lawn where his mother and father would hose him down with the gardening hose. Petunia always waited till the wee hours of the morning to do this, because this was when she was sure that all the neighbors were asleep, and no one would see the spectacle of her bathing her extraordinarily obese sun with the gardening hose.  
  
Harry however, made a point of getting up and watching Dudley get bathed. He had to keep a safe distance, because he was horribly afraid that Petunia or Vernon would make HIM do the bathing if they caught him watching. It was still fun to laugh at Dudders or "Really Big D" the next day though.  
  
Anyways. Back to the story. After a quick bite to eat, Harry packed his bags, and floo powdered his way to Malfoy Manor (Lucius pulled some strings with the floo network...so much more effective than Mr. Weasely). This was Harry's first visit to Malfoy Manor, and he floo'd into a large, opulent room that simply SCREAMED wealth. Literally. The mirror yelled at Harry for having too scruffy hair for the Malfoy household.  
  
Immediately, a group of twelve house elves descended upon Harry, and began to style his hair. Salon quality shampoo, gel, proper straight razors, and proper salon quality scissors did wonders for Harry's hair. All of a sudden, he went from scruffy to elegantly mussed. "Hmmm I could get used to this", Harry mused, as another team of elves descended and redressed him in designed clothing.  
  
All of a sudden, while basking in the glow of wealth, Harry felt a sharp squeeze on his tightly muscled rear.  
  
"Hey there babe, good to see you", said Draco Malfoy. Somehow, groping and flirting was much more acceptable when Draco did it, then when say Ron did. Giving Draco an easy grin and a squeeze back, Harry and Draco made their way to the poolside bar. It was a perfect 85 degrees out, and the pool was delightfully refreshing. Narcissa was already swimming her daily laps, and Harry watched appreciatively as house elves brought him and Draco drinks. This was definitely the best way possible to spend the summer. 


End file.
